The Dead Sea and Galilee

James Bailey

Agenda

~~Review pre-read feedback and address any questions~~

~~Collaborate on a reverse outline~~

Create a revision plan and a new outline

Session Notes

Pre-Read Review

The main purpose is to explain the importance of flow in life — giving and receiving, inviting opportunities and input.
Flow = harmony between two extremes

There is life that is cultivated with a harmonious flow
You can’t just inhale or exhale
You can’t just love; that would deplete you. You must also be loved.

Reverse Outline

💡

James, in this reverse outline, you identify your main claims and the most important pieces of evidence for each. We didn’t get to the thesis, so write a draft of the thesis before you jump into revision. Then, as you revise, focus on two main things: - Make concepts concrete with relatable, relevant examples (e.g., talking to your friend on the phone without venting about the saltiness of the Dead Sea). - Make clear connections between your ideas. Overlay and reference the two-seas metaphor throughout your story. Then, reference the story, the two seas, and the concept of flow in your “learnings section.”

Thesis: [Flow is life-giving.]

The Sea of Galilee is full of life because of its flow, and the Dead Sea has no life because it lacks flow.

Bible: “locus for miracles”
Visual evidence, species of birds, fish, etc.

Flow is life coming into you and life going out of you.

Contrasting the two seas
River Jordan and natural springs
Things with disrupted flow are living below their potential
Anything living has to have flow – must both give and receive

Inhale and exhale, love and receive love

I left the sea of Galilee (65 miles) and became like the Dead Sea.

Flow requires trust and faith

When I didn’t follow through, I was trying to know the future.
I moved into a place of faith (going with the flow)
You were trying to know something unknowable.
Six months later, you had learned a lot about yourself and flow (but nothing new about Karen)

I needed to get back into flow — to get back to being an outlet to others and allow others to be an outlet to me.

It starts with yourself. I need to give myself the gift of compassion. You can give to yourself and receive from yourself. There is a flow within.
Flow characterizes life. Sitting on the banks of the Dead Sea is no way to live. I found the strengths to head back to Galilee.
Many people want to receive first and give second. Get outside of your own story by giving to others. (Ask questions rather than ranting about your problems.)

If the Dead Sea wants to be less salty and bitter, it needs to add water.

Pre-Read Feedback

Key Take-Aways

Identify the essence, then add ornaments.
I want to know your thesis sooner, or at least your main question.

In the middle, when you switch to the story about Karen, I’m left wondering: What can I learn from these two seas? What do you mean by “flow”? In my life, how can I give and receive like the sea of Galilee?

Clarify the main take-away(s). Right now, there are at least three that you list at the end. I suggest choosing one and making it very clear what you mean, connecting it back to the two seas.

When we step into flow with others, the outlets for our giving are infinitely greater than we might be aware of.
When we orient ourselves to giving, we make room for receiving.
We give by receiving.

Toward the end, you personify the seas. It works well, and I encourage you to do more of it —to make them like characters to which the reader can relate.

What if the Sea of Galilee told the River Jordan, “I have my natural springs. I got this.” Or “I feel so bad about taking so much from you. I don’t deserve all that you’re offering.”

Rework and refine the structure, especially the transitions and connections between each section.

For instance, Bill and his email dominate the section about your marriage. It takes away from the metaphor of the seas and what it means to gracefully give and receive.

Praise

You’ve chosen potent, lasting examples to illustrate your idea (The Dead Sea and Galilee), and you do a great job contrasting the two.
This is has elements of all the pillars of POP Writing, but it is especially strong in the personal. Your reader learns about you and can relate to you through your stories.

Notes

Some of the language and associations are confusing and muddy the meaning of your sentences/paragraphs.

Unlike its life-giving neighbor to the north, the Dead Sea is bigger in size but lacking in stature – so wanting because there is no life at all.

Essence: Unlike it’s life-giving neighbor to the north, the Dead Sea has no life at all.

Ornaments: The Dead Sea is bigger in size but lacking in stature. The Dead Sea wants for life.

The structure, especially section to section is hard to follow. It takes away from the impact of your insights. If you can rework and refine the structure, your insights will shake hands with your stories and sick with your reader.