- Focus on the structural feedback.
- Establish a narrative
- Last paragraph
- First part would fit better elsewhere
- Language gestures toward meaning: it doesn’t possess it.
- Add a note about how these interest came to be.
- Medieval lit through contemporary lens
- Move personal details up in the piece to provide context earlier for your narrative.
- Fill in the opening with more of the why.
P1: My personal background
- Language influence
- Two loves of undergrad: contemporary literary theory and medieval literature
P2: Academic motivation
- Wesleyan’s faculty as a transition
P3 + P4: Evidence of my ability to research
P5: Why Penn
- Personal narrative throughout
- Focus on the why behind everything you have done
Great work on this, Kathleen! I enjoyed reading it and appreciate you sharing it with me! I’ve left some praise and notes (with examples) below. Here, I’ll list a few big-picture points of feedback.
- I want to know more about you! Focus more on the why behind what you do and what you have done, or at least lead with it. As it is, you lead with facts, which do not help the reader connect with you.
- There are pockets of the personal, which make the statement feel a little disjointed. It’d be stronger if you switched up the order of your ideas and maintained a personal thread throughout.
- You open by answering “Why Penn?” rather than “Why me?”
- The last paragraph seems out of place. That personal info about language seems like it’d fit better earlier and could be something you firmly place in your framework/theme of exploring the relationship between literature and Nature, experience and language.
- There are some really interesting ideas that, to me, have insufficient context. They could be opportunities to bring in more personal info.
- I can feel your passion and pride for the work you have done, and I assume that readers of your statement will be moved to help you continue that pursuit.
- You have a wonderful grasp on your interests and how your previous research projects have influenced your aspirations.
- Your interest in Penn comes across well.
- I found your second paragraph especially interesting and would like to know more.
- Some sentences feel complex just for the sake of it, where an entire phrase could be cut without changing the meaning.
- At least to me, some phrases/sentences are unclear.
Through both the ambiguities and the precision of language, we encounter signifying fragments of an innate, complex humanity
that comes through the stories that are told.
- I don’t know what it means to mediate meaning, but this seems like an interesting idea, and I want to understand it.
I am fascinated by the abstractions of language and the way in which the reader achieves a kind of agency in
mediating meaning through various signifiers.
- Instead, why not start the paragraph with why you wrote your thesis? Get your reader to root for you, then reveal that you were rewarded for your passion and effort.
My senior honors thesis at Wesleyan […] was awarded the English Department’s Dorchester Prize for best thesis.
- I’d suggest choosing one adjective or listing adjective, rather than qualifying one.
These inescapable resources are
inevitablyrelated, but in conflict – neither can confirm the other
Above all, I hope to do scholarly research in a
- Who/what is doing the developing and deferring? What does it mean for those to go into the constitution of subjectivity?
- Does the dream vision not facilitate the developments and deferrals? Is it important for it to be a vehicle for facilitating rather than the thing that facilitates?
I argue that the dream vision is the most appropriate vehicle for
developments and deferralsthat go into the constitution of subjectivity.