Key Take-Aways

• Build upon Lupo’s motivations and his threats, which you have clearly identified. Explore the relationship between pursuing an ideal (the dream of true love) and the limitations of mortality.
• Clarify which elements exist in Lupo’s world and which exist in ours. How do the elements of Lupo’s world correspond to those in our world?
• Is the brevity of Lupo’s life, for instance, an opportunity to comment on the brevity of human life?
• An effective allegory stands on its own as a compelling narrative while also clearly mapping onto the object of commentary (e.g., Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” and how it comments on the nature of knowledge).
• Rather than explicitly stating the main ideas, use those ideas as the fuel for the narrative. Build up to them, and create conflict along the road to these big realizations about the nature of life and love.

Praise

• You have a good idea of what Lupo wants and what the story is about: love.
• A loose story arc is already there. Lupo dreams of finding love and sees it as his purpose, and the main conflict comes from his very limited lifespan.
• The concept is beautiful, and I can see this world being the perfect setting for an allegory about love and the impermanence of life.

Notes

• The resolution doesn’t feel earned. His realization of what love truly is feels sudden. It’s not hinted at, so I didn’t anticipate it as a reader.
• The last third feels like author’s commentary rather than Lupo’s thoughts/experience.
• It struck me as odd for Lupo (the character) to comment on humans because I feel like “Lupo” (the story) is a commentary on humanity — what matters to us and our struggle to maintain/achieve those things.
• Some of the prose and dialogue is too on-the-nose. These are important ideas, but try to build toward those points rather than start from them.

Welcome to your life, Lupo. It’s here.

Eventually, Lupo realizes he was looking for love in all the wrong places. Lupo finds that true love is in the sky, in the ocean, and in the earth.