Key Take-Aways

• Think about how early you want to place the reader in Lupo’s world.
• How early should a reader know that he’s a ladybug, for instance? How important is that for this first scene?
• Try to surprise yourself and see whether you like what happens.
• It’s clear you know what you want to happen in this scene. But now that you have the bones, run a train into the side of it and have Lupo work through it.
• What if the praying mantis therapist dies mid sentence? Would that be a relief or traumatic to Lupo? How would he handle witnessing death?
• What if a crazy bug bursts into the room screaming about armageddon? Would Lupo laugh it off or be terrified?

Praise

• Good awareness of theme
• Interesting, quality dialogue that serves multiple functions
• Nice sense of what should be in a story beat

Notes

• Avoid cliches and common turns of phrase (like the plague).

a game of cat and mouse

all Lupo could see was her

• Examine sentences and paragraphs to identify their essence/purpose. Then whittle them down to the core before adorning them with interesting ornaments.
• Example:

When it came time for the session to end, Lupo thanked the doctor and decided he would not be coming back. He needed to speak to someone who found their questions from life, not from textbooks.

Essence: He needed to speak to someone else.

Ornaments: Call-back to the textbooks, circular structure for the scene