- Use plain, concrete language as you’re building a metaphor. Then, you can use figurative language by deploying the metaphor you’ve built. (Focus on this in the first section during your next revision.)
- As a rule of thumb, you want each paragraph break to mark the end of an idea, and each paragraph to have only one main idea. In this piece, some of the paragraphs should be combined, as they contribute to the same main idea but are separated by paragraph breaks.
- Make the connections and relationships between your ideas to be as clear as possible. You may have the whole chain of ideas in your head, but your reader is connecting each link as they read. If one is missing or doesn’t fit, the whole piece will feel weaker to them than it does to you, because they’re missing a link of the chain.
- You did a great job integrating the two-seas metaphor throughout your story — exactly how we talked about it in our last session.
- The transitions and connections between each section are much stronger.
- Try to read as your reader, and be careful assuming context. Don’t shy away from repeating details if they are essential and not obvious to your reader, like the details of Galilee and the Dead Sea.