Free Feedback on "Why I Write”
Hi Tahsin,
Thank you for submitting your essay for feedback. I'm excited to offer this to friends of David and Write of Passage. You can expect:
- Written feedback on structure and flow
- Notes on clarity and concision (at the sentence/paragraph level)
- "The One Thing" to focus on if you were to revise this piece
- And a video overview of my feedback.
My goal is not just to give you feedback that would improve this single essay but to give you feedback that, if you apply it to future projects, would make you a better writer (by helping you become a better self-editor).
I'm going to work through the drafts in the order they were submitted (you're eighth), and I'll get back to everyone within the next two weeks.
All the best,
Garrett Kincaid
The One Thing
Do a pass of revision focusing on compressing each sub-section.
You do a nice job transitioning between sections, and the order of ideas makes sense. So, there’s nothing wrong with the overall structure or content. Instead of looking at the whole essay, I encourage you to go one by one through the sections and distill each to their essence. Try to be a little more ruthless in what you choose to keep. That will help you uphold your self-expectation of “achieving the highest return per word,” which is an admirable aim.
Notes
- This is partly a personal preference, but I suggest you be more intentional with paragraph-breaks. Rather than using breaks for emphasis or pacing, use them to govern the logical flow of your ideas. Group related ides together, such that each paragraph only has one main idea and such that any single idea isn't split across multiple paragraphs.
- I’m mentioning paragraphing because I think it’s a skill that hinders online writers. (Short, choppy, disjointed paragraphs are a staple of listicles, for instance.) Paragraphing is a sub-skill of essay-writing that, if you master, would set you apart from other online writers.
- To be clear, short paragraphs are not bad. They just aught to be used intentionally and in conjunction with longer paragraphs.
- Here’s an example of a paragraph-break that splits up one idea. I suggest cutting the break. It will help your reader follow the flow of your argument.
- One hint that this should be one paragraph is “these inputs,” which is a reference to the media you consume (contents of the previous paragraph).
- Here’s how I would suggest you edit your intro. This is just a suggestion and hopefully helps illustrate both my paragraphing point and how you could make this intro more concise (since you asked about how to make it shorter):
- Offer something unique
- Create a niche
- Publish on a consistent schedule
- Iterate based on engagement.
- I added “ego” here to create a bookend effect with the start of the final section, where you would otherwise be mentioning ego for the first time.
- I find this to completely true, and I like how you phrase it:
- I feel the same way about this:
- Your anecdote with the business plan is apt and compelling. That’s 30 pages of clear thinking, and without it, it would have taken you longer to pivot the plan and go in a better direction. That point comes across clearly.
- Small thing: You didn’t say grudngingly; you said recently:
- Move this line to the top of section #2. It rips:
- You don’t have to do anything else to make that flow. Just bump up the one paragraph. But I suggest making this a single paragraph.
- I’ve never thought of writing as having built-in spaced repetition. That’s a great insight, and makes me want to be more intentional and detailed with my book notes.
- Of all the sections to compress, I think it’d be #2. There’s great info in there, but it’s diluted by other info that isn’t so relevant or valuable. For isntance, the reference to David’s essay feels like an aside if not a tangent.
- Wow, that Codie Sanchez quote is great!
- “The urge to create” is my favorite section (and, I think, the most compressed). I especially like this paragraph, which totally POPs:
- Man, I love your list of expectations for yourself. That sort of introspective spirit and the clarity in those bullets is something I respect and value. Well done!
- Amen to this!
“Weekly, I absorb various media—essays, podcasts, and books—that blend in my mind, creating a rich but chaotic mix of ideas. This fusion sparks intriguing thoughts, nudging me closer to fundamental truths, albeit in a disorganized manner.Without an outlet to process and synthesize these inputs, my thinking remains fragmented and opaque.”
The moment I accepted that no one would ever read my writing was the moment I finally began to write. There’s more content out there than ever, especially with the advent of AI. Adding my voice to the fray seemed futile. I doubted anyone would read my work, and if no one reads it, then why bother? This doubt kept my fingers off the keyboard and my thoughts trapped in my mind. I’m was already so far behind. Why start now? Quality writing takes time. I felt the pressure to:
But recently, I had a revelation. Worthwhile writing doesn’t have to dazzle millions of readers or build a massive following. I could just write for myself. Suddenly, I didn’t have those same reservations. I'm not saying they disappeared completely. I am human, and I have some desire to be validated, understood, and admired. But, those are no longer the reasons I write. What I uncovered was simpler and unexpectedly liberating. If no one’s going to read my sh*t, then I can write whatever I want. This is the story of how I discovered the power of writing for an audience of one: myself. I now have four reasons why I write, and they have nothing to do with my ego.
“Writing exposes flaws in our thinking by forcing us to organize chaotic thoughts into coherent ideas. The ultimate lie detector for your thoughts is clear writing.”
“It's easy to convince myself that I "get" an idea when it's just a hazy impression. But when forced to express it in writing, the weaknesses become apparent. Sloppy logic, unsubstantiated assumptions, and contradictory beliefs are laid bare.”
“I recently sat down to write a business proposal for an idea I'd been mulling over. I say 'grudgingly' because…”
“I used to be a knowledge junkie. Now, I'm in recovery. I wasted years fooling myself into thinking I was learning, when I was just consuming.”
How often have you finished a book, essay, newsletter, or podcast feeling inspired with newfound epiphany, only to struggle recalling its key points a week later?How much of it leads to transformative changes in behaviour or decision-making?
It's a frustrating cycle: read, get excited, do nothing, forget, repeat.
“Photography trains my eye to notice overlooked details, freezing fleeting moments into visual stories. Through the lens, I interpret the tangible world, saying ‘this is what I find interesting.’”
I don't always enjoy the process, but I've come to see writing as an indispensable tool for transforming convoluted thinking into actionable insights. It's not merely a task to enjoy or dislike, but a necessity that enables me to make sense of the world and my place in it.It's a discipline I'm open to embrace.