Intersections and Detours
It’s okay that people come and go because the alternative is that you lose yourself.
Garrett Kincaid — September 29, 2022
We’re all on our own journeys in life. Imagine those journeys as road trips. Maybe you have a route mapped out, or maybe you turn where you want and stop at the places you find interesting. It’s likely a bit of both.
No matter our methods, two things are true for every journey through life:
- No two are the same.
- Along the way, you will cross paths with others.
Enter our framework: Intersections and Detours.
We are bound to cross paths with people who’re on their own journeys, so we need to know how to handle intersections. And, since no two journeys are the same, to follow someone else’s path is to detour from your own.
We must appreciate the intersections we have with others without causing them to miss their exit. And we must avoid detours by not deferring to others’ itineraries.
Intersections Must End
Every intersection is a gift — an opportunity for a meaningful interaction. Yet, of course, there are some intersections we wish hadn’t happened or that we could have done without, like running into an ex at karaoke night. In other words, it’s sometimes a relief to part ways with someone.
But what about all the intersections that you wish had lasted longer? What about the experiences you share with others that enrich you, challenge you, that you cherish? What do you do when those intersections end? How do you move on and continue on your journey?
Think of a close friend from high school or college. Your life paths brought you to the same school at the same time for a period of time, which is a wonderful gift. But you probably wanted that intersection to last longer. So, how did you move on? I’m sure you didn’t ask your college friend to leave his girl and follow you across the country to be your roommate. You knew that you couldn’t ask your friend to make a detour for you because it would have violated his independence.
We’re all on our own journeys, which means that every intersection must end.
But that doesn’t mean our relationships have to end. Instead, we can plan for future intersections.
That’s what relationships are — healthy ones, at least: regular and repeated intersections. By letting the intersection end, you can both retain your independence and continue on your respective journeys. And, if you want, you can plan to enjoy more intersections with each other down the road.
The only way to extend an intersection is for someone to make a detour — to miss their exit and delay their personal journey — which is both unnatural and unhealthy.
Rather than cling to an intersection and try to extend it, let it end and plan for your paths to cross again.
Detours Are Unhealthy
To detour from your life-path is to stunt your personal growth and become a tool for someone else’s; it is to forsake individuality for comfort.
Imagine that you dream of owning and operating a bakery. You’re sure this is what you want. You’ve marked it on your map and have analyzed all the possible routes to that place. What do you do when your boss offers you a promotion? You’ve enjoyed working for her and consider her a close friend. You like your job, too, and it’s a good offer. But that job is no longer what you want. You want to become your own boss, so it would be a detour to accept the promotion.
Make sure not to miss your exit, especially when you’re one turn away from being exactly where you want to be.
Detours divert us from our personal journeys and make it hard to recover — to course-correct your life-path. While detours can extend interactions, they do so at the cost of independence. People make detours on account of their parents, peers, spouses, employers, pets, etc. But rather than defer to the others’ life-paths, conform to your own.
Embrace Ephemerality
The end always hurts.
It hurts when people leave your life — when you grow apart from a friend, lose a loved one, break up with a significant other, or part ways with a pleasant stranger. Even though our intersections end, each one can be beautiful and meaningful.
The solution is to embrace ephemerality.
Enjoy and appreciate each intersection for what it is, for however long it lasts. Let each intersection be what it may, then let it end so that you can continue on to wherever it is you need to be.
The easiest way to ruin a moment is to try to make it last longer. The easiest way to ruin an intersection is to force a detour.
It’s okay that people come and go because the alternative is that you lose yourself.
Our life-paths are crossing right now. Although it’s been brief, I am grateful for our intersection. How fortunate that of all the possible paths, ours are intersecting! What a pleasure it is to share this moment with you! But our intersection is about to end, so keep your eyes on the road.
I don’t want you to miss your exit.
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