Common App Essay
Draft 2 Outline
Thesis: How I overcame and struggled with my challenges from dysgraphia
P1: frustration
- What it means and feels like to not be able to share your thought with others––and to not know why
- After I learned about what I had people still not understanding it
P2: isolation
- The laptops introduced as many problems as it solved
- Mix with frustration
- Frustration led to the isolation
- Felt like I was different and that it made sense to be isolated
P3: ongoing struggle (frustration/isolation)
- Sub yelling, peers questioning, math homework
P4: mentors
- 5th grade teacher / coach / math teacher
- Liberating to see someone in the same position understand it and embrace it
P5: overcoming/ how I changed
- Gaining self-confidence
- Coming to terms with dysgraphia
- Possibly resolve with this paragraph
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Agenda
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Notes
Feedback
Message
- Too focused on technology improving your experience. It reads like an essay promoting the use of tablets and laptops in school.
- Lean into the personal aspects. How have you grown through this adversity?
- You talk mostly about how the challenge went away, not how it prompted you to grow.
- Who have you become, compared to who you were?
- To what do you attribute that growth?
- What parts of yourself are you focusing on improving now?
- How has your education influenced the way your see yourself and your place in the world?
Grammar/Mechanics
- Comma after intro causes
- Add a comma when a conjunction joins two independent clauses
I was the only person in my classes who had to use a laptop to do assignments ,
and I felt like people were always staring at me while I worked.
Word Choice / Style
- Cut adverbs, select more descriptive adjectives/verbs